曾经跟朋友说，部落格不让别人看的原因是因为里面写满了我的伤心回忆，几乎占了80%。我想是因为不懂珍惜幸福的事，却满脑子心中的不满。也因为幸福的事可以跟别人分享，而伤心事却不能随便诉说，所以只好在部落格发泄。新开的部落格似乎没有什么进步，还是很blue,还很black。 只要坚定自己的信念，真正的相信，就能坚定如山，不会因为听的看的随便相信。人或许会改变，信念跟着改变，因为心意已经改变，想法跟着改变。。 对我来说没有接受不了的事，只是时间的问题，和愿不愿意面对的问题。虽然我自己也一样，有不想面对的事情，所以接受不到；面对还接受不到的事情，我需要多点时间。 不是聪耳不闻，眼不见为净，就能当事情没发生过。事实是事实，有就是有，不去看就以为没有这样的事情？只是为了形象顾虑而刻意经营？是太单纯还是装单纯已经没有办法分析。 淡然的表现因为没什么意见，或是说不想对一个不能诚心的人有过多意见。没有伪装，因为做不到。如果是以前的我，会热络的兴奋的回应；现在的我，在不知道自己到底站在什么样的位置上，对一个曾经伤你很重的人，我还需要很长的时间。

是要继续颓废下去还是怎样？明明一开始就非常有斗志，许多的理想

my new look~

my new hairstyle~ At first, I'm like..OMG..this is so not me, I don't even dare to look at myself in the mirror when waiting my mum to take me in that salon. I miss my long straight hair~ I think is just because I still not used to my new look, after I look at myself several time at home, I started to fall in love with this hair. They said the longer the nicer, I'm looking forward for that day, at least now people won't say I looked nice with this hair, they just say I got a big change. I hope it just for temporary. =) My friend said I'm no longer looked like a 乖乖女 xD, haha, I don't think so, I think I still looked quite quiet,hehe xD I hope it is a good change for me, feel like this hair is quite over and draw attention ><, because study at KL campus, but not Kampar, people wear and style more humble here, I mean mostly o.O...most of the students in the campus are from engineering course..hmm... Well...what's the comments I will get when my coursemates met me in new sem ?. xD

喜欢这种躺在床上听音乐的感觉，什么也不做，但一想到不懂想谁时又空虚了…

一直很羡慕长得漂亮的女生，可以当模特儿，有人帮拍照。很希望自己也有那么一天当起某人的模特儿，被别人拍照。 =）

我想我放下了。第一次觉得在放手一段友情，是友情没有错。曾经的依赖和相信，减少，到不需要。何必呢，自己像是一个负担，又像笨蛋。何必把一个不把你当一回事的人当一回事呢？我不需要口头上的字眼来确认那段友情，我懂得分辨，我能够感受，是真的假的，自己知道，不用别人教不用你跟我说。打从我开始领悟到这份友情的不重要，或是说不存在，发现自己可以比以前自立，虽然沦落在自己落魄的感受中很痛苦，但却发现没有什么不能放下的。感谢你的离开让我成长。我们还是朋友，但不是以前那种。曾像别人提起或是炫耀说我有一个很好的朋友，但以后也只会说以前有个朋友。 因为放开想同，所以不痛了。。。

接受。。=）

尽量对身边发生的不关我的事非不闻不问，想尽量远离是非。不想想太多复杂的事，也许心情好过些；试着在别人的角度想，体谅别人，至少当你需要被体谅时也希望别人那么做。接受是学习，成长的要点，就像在幼儿园学ABC时接受ABC,所以才会学会ABC,也增长了智慧。

什么状况啊？

说忙也还好，说得空也不算得空，有点空虚。。。那种渴望爱情的感觉又再次袭击，不懂是因为最近看到身边的人谈恋爱了，还是因为看了剧场影片，还是因为那种偶然相遇的奇特事件？好乱啊。。。明明assignment很多还没做，可是又懒懒散散，超级慢动作，也是这个原因才会来这里po文章咯。。。班上发生一大堆事情，大家的心情也是一团乱。。突然发现找不到人聊天，咳。。闷啊。。。

连续两个星期二都去打羽球，考虑可能不再去了…不喜欢打双打，因为怕打到别人或者被打到，而且自己也不太会打，每次不知不觉就站在球场上发呆了。打单打的机会比较少，而且我不太会跑，跟我打一定很不刺激，会很闷…•___•希望有不会连累别人的运动给我参与就好咯～

Thanks God!

Oh My God, I PASS ALL SUBJECTS~ I swear, my heart beats the faster ever I checked my result. So surprise with my result, and I felt relieved too when I saw my result. I get B- for CT II instead of fail or C, and I get B+ for BM instead of A-, I felt slightly disappointed with that as I expect myself to get at least A- seen the   tips are provided kinda detail. Anyway, I finally get gpa 3.0 something for my degree, but cgpa is still not reach 3.0. It is actually far behind from others, but I should feel satisfy, it was much more batter than a F appear in my result slip and sit in a lecture class with those LC juniors, thanks GOD, really. I should really work harder and pick up myself, I always believe that I couldn't get a good result is because I haven't put all my effort in my study, I am lazy compare to last time. This is the way I convince myself that I am actually not that stupid, I don't know whether it is a good way, somehow it is like try to escape from reality, but I don't want to lose my confident, just think that this is the only slightly stronger point I have...whatever...

Haha, I was so lazy, I promised to myself that want to update my blog, but until today only I post this, XD. Hey, my blog, wait me finish my Glee first, and maybe wait my mood (so bad xD). see you~

052012 Sem Break's Activities List

1. Sabah Trip : I didn't feel excited about this trip, for this moment...Hope the mood will back soon~ =(
2. Johor Trip : Look forward for this trip~ =) Hope it will be like previous sem break trip joining by about 10 coursemates to go together. Start enjoy big gang trip, wee~ C=
3. Melaka Trip : Hope can go Melaka with my family. The place I await for so long already, hope it gonna happen, because the rest of my holiday gonna left just 1 week, so less~ ><
4. Read all the books and novels I bought~ at least finish 3-4 books, if not I cant buy new book for new coming book fair~><
5. Practise my guitar~Next level will be quite difficult, hope can faster master all the skill I learned. Hope can give a good impression if I got the chance to meet and teach by him~ xD
6. Master a drawing skill~ manual or with help of application, but at least can make my work easier and batter, ..I think, hmm....
7. Update my blog with my previous story =)

Super-duper UPSET !!

I don't know why this kind of thing happens in my life again and again, perhaps I have done something wrong in my previous life. I really dislike and upset with it !!

New trimester, came in two new students. One I still don't know him yet, but another one is sitting right beside me. She is 'replacing' Ivan. I really miss Ivan a lotttttttttttttt~once the girl sit at his place. She is graduated from diploma level. She is kinda good, willing to help and give suggestion, but there is too much, some how, the way she talk is like show off-ing. She really give me a lot of pressure. Sometime she gives me too much suggestion, even more than a lecturer, I feel awkward if I didn't follow any of her suggestions. But I just like to make my own thing, I like to listen to her advise, but not her idea.

From my work, I think I still haven't improve, although I really put in my all heart. I always read the words from others' face. I know my work is not good. Sometime, I love my work, but after seen their face, I feel down. Can I say that, you are jealous on my work so you don't want to praise me and make me happy, on the other way, if my work is really suck, you will say 'quite nice', to console me. Damn! I think too much, their face never lie!

research on first project

spray painting for first drawing class

1st project of trimester 3

At first I thought I do it quite good. I get my idea, develop it, I found suitable objects, I make a lamp from a touch light, I like my design. This is the first time I get my idea first, then develop the model from my idea. Quite a lot of people say that it was nice and cool, I wonder isn't their word is true. Some of them, who quite closer with me in the class, from their face I know it's not that nice. First lecturer said my thing is ok, because I using all objects to form my sculpture. The second one, just ask me to tide my wire nicely, and from his expression, I thought he is quite satisfy with my thing, plus he don't has any other comments. The third one, she said my sculpture look messy, and according to her, my sculpture did not present my idea appropriately. At first, I thought to change my sculpture according to her comment, but after that I feel regret, because I got no enough time to buy new material, I kinda like my origin design, what if after I change it, it will look worse and maybe another 2 lecturers do not like my thing? Then I fix back the whole thing. I feel worry, I don't know what she will think if I didn't correct any part of my sculpture, (there is actually 1 part, but I feel regret after I change it,but lucky that is just a base not a necessary thing.) I feel down and lose confident to my own sculpture. It is too simple compare to others complicated combination, but they really did a good job, combined the thing I never think of. I hate complicated. I hate trouble things. My sculpture is a form of sun flower and a sun. The main thing I want to emphasize is confident, but I lose my confident before I present my work. How I gonna do? Even a friend that is not from this course did not impress by my work, what a failure I did...


She say the 'Sun' is kinda same type with the 'flower'. The flower is not dropping enough, since I say the flower didn't get sun light so it dropped. The sun is like trapped in the ball, it suppose is a powerful sunshine, release light and energy infinity. I don't what comment I will get if I can't found a battery holder and just leave the battery lying there.God bless me, I hope I can get positive comment during my presentation.

My Photo xD

I actually very like this photo , that without smile, so cool~

with my guitar~=)

Yesterday night, I got a nightmare...I dream myself is taking English for Engineering test, I got not enough time for last 2 parts in 15 minutes, besides, I found that what I already did in previous parts, I didn't write into answer booklet, my God, its equal to a blank answer booklet pass up! Luckily it just a dream ==...This morning, I waiting for so long but still can't access to the mpm's web, I think too many people try to log in that web, so make the web so lag. Until about 2pm, I really can't wait any more, I found the number and sms to get my result. I saw '3'. My heart was relieved...But then, now I finally can access to the web already, I checked my result and I got this, 145/300. I really feel disappointed to myself. Why I didn't even get half of the marks? I was so lucky can get band 3...God loves me...

I get band 3..relieved..=)
Finally I found this song..Welcome to my life - simple plan...enjoy =)

Yesterday, trimester 2's result is released, well, not that bad but not good enough. My gpa drop a little bit, fortunately I still maintain my cgpa although I am still not reaching 3.0. Just a little bit, it so near but yet so far..haiz...anyway, I should feel lucky at least I didn't fail my English for Engineering..Tomorrow is the date to deal with MUET, (praying) please~ give me band 3~>< I don't want to retake MUET, it just like a nightmare ><...
My holidays are going to end...My God, I don't know I should happy or not, at least this freaking boring holidays are going to end, I will not have more time to daze, and thinking too much to make myself emo. But then, I still got many things haven't done yet, my dramas, novels, drawing, colouring....I think I just wasting too much time and I can't even remember what I wasting time on = =..well at least I still remember to practise my guitar...

He is get into Dean list, ok, congratulation and I'm not that surprise with that actually, but this is the  first thing come into my mind "Are you fooling me!!??" Say like you gonna fail your tests, bla bla bla, and even that is just a midterm test, you cry like you want go to die, but at the end you got your result improve. Fine, next time I will text you "you batter go to die!". You make a big fuss over a minor issue, is that trying to show off?? You say yourself is noob when you didn't get dean list, then who I am if I didn't even get 3.0?? And if it is just once I can just forget about it, but it happens every time, I really feel mad with that.