Regret...

About the Wushu Club, I don't know what they will feel on me, I just feel guilty and sorry for them although it already past for about 2 months. I think to go beck to them to apologize again, so that I can tell them more clearly about my situation, but it seen like not a very wise decision, it will just make me look  more like try to give excuse especially the thing already past for so long. I really hope that they wouldn't hate me and I really miss them and the time training together so much. My friend say this is just a small case, nobody will care for it for so long, but why I still remember this thing so clearly? I think is because I know I did something wrong, and I just couldn't make up the missed. Hope that they faster forget me, then i will not feel so guilty. I know some of them already forget me or maybe even don't know who I am, but it is ok for me. My mum say I no need really take so serious about the invitation, it is some sort of 客套话...but I already promise, maybe they will think I am the person that not faithful..T.T..Hope they won't misunderstand me..><..This is the first thing I promise too fast without thinking myself isn't really free or convenient about it. Second is allow a friend to stay at my hostel overnight before the final exam, at the end make myself miserable. Thirdly, again I promise to let 1 friend stay at my hostel on the coming day, without knowing I actually busy or not on that day...The worst is, me myself tell her she can stay at my hostel without her ask...==...how stupid I am..If that time I got thing to do, I need to go reject people again..><..hope it wouldn't happen~

straight hair and fringe are beck~

Again, I rebond my hair. It nearly become my 'traditional custom', because I made it once a year.=.=...At first, I just think to rebond the front part, and I want to leave my beck side hair naturally until lower part of my long hair is totally become natural...I mean after cut all the rebonded part...But my hair is really messy, and it seen like really incurable, after encouraged by the barber, I decide to rebond my whole hair...Well, it is really nice this time, straight enough and almost nothing I can complain about. I still not that used to my new look, I look weird because the hair is too straight, ,it make me wonder isn't a good decision to rebond the whole hair. I'm still try to convince myself, but yesterday night, I went out with my friends, they are show off-ing their natural long hair in front of me. It wad kinda sad..I know their hair are beautiful, natural curl and healthy. They can always trip their hair but the hair still long. But I'm not them..My hair is not that healthy and beautiful like them, my hair look messy and take very long time to lengthen them...I know it wasn't a wrong thing for me to do rebonding or colouring on my hair, I just want to be more tidy and confident, however I still wish to have everything naturally on me.

Another story during hair dressing..The barber told me that if rebond front part RM25,plus RM10 for cutting. After he knew that I'm not secondary school student, he say RM20 for cutting. My mum say I'm stupid, I shouldn't admit that I'm no longer a secondary school student, so that I can pay less..=.=...But my final decision is rebond the whole hair so it actually didn't influence much. But the problem is, is that really I shouldn't admit it?? =.=

Evil get stonger in my heart....

Why even a good friend make me feel like is unbelievable? Or its cant call a good friend? Start to feel that she got a double face, she make me feel that she is a person try to avoid trouble or push the trouble to other people. She keep quite when everybody in the distressed because the one who speak and give opinion have to take the responsible to settle problem. She always say: "anything" "whatever" "let you decide", seem like a very easy going person, but just make me feel like she is pretending to be a great person. When ask her opinion, she will say "whatever, I just follow you all.." then every thing is non of her business already. I don't like when we are actually in a small group discussing 1 thing, but when another people that not the same group ask her some question, she will like don't know anything and ask beck us, "how was going?" "how is the plan?", but she actually knowing the progress. She just wan to let other know that the answer not from her is from us, this make me feel that she is preventing some trouble on herself. And I don't like she praises some one a lot when friend with that person, is not saying that praising someone is not good, just please don't make me feel that you are praising an Angle. I believe that every one is not perfect, but I can accept every imperfection as long as that person is treating other true from their heart. Just to make myself clear that I didn't hate any body that seem perfect...

Loser...

Feeling that I'm a loser. Why can't I do a thing properly? Or just major a skill batter? Yesterday just finished the Building Services I's test, I thought I can do it properly, because i start study this subject very early, and I try to understand and memorize almost every thing. Besides, the calculation that involved in this subject is so straight forward and easy compare to those I learn in foundation level, but surprisingly, I get wrong with the formula! Until I came out from the exam hall only I know about that, I waste about 7 marks on that question, you may think that just a little of marks, but other questions are not that straight forward that can get directly from the notes, and I really not sure that I wrote a correct answer or not. This is the only subject I can score in this trimester, but end out like this, I guess my cgpa will continue to drop again, since it is impossible for me to score at least B in my English for Engineering subject. Really feel sad about that...=(

Today, is my guitar level 1 test. I think I just put too much effort on playing song that part, other part I just didn't do that much of effort, cause I think I can get over them easily, guess I was over confident =(...At the end, I just get 61.5 out of 100...It was just freaking LOW marks for me, I'm aiming for A actually..I was over confident again..=(...And after this test, only I know I did a lot of mistake on my basic part. I feel want to blame my guitar's teacher because he never correct me those mistake I did, until 8 weeks later only I know even the most basic thing, C major scale, I did mistake obviously, telling by the examiner. Actually, I got the feeling like being ignored by the teacher during guitar lesson, because every time he will just say I did well and ask me to continue practice, he seldom or never tell me where is my mistake, just ask me to keep on practice to improve my skill...And he make me feel like I really can did well in my test...so sad...I practice for so long but still get that low marks...T.T (just a little proudly that my song part get quite mark compare to other part )..

Recently, my relationship with my housemate is not that cool. I not really like them or their attitude. The garbage thing or cockroach thing...I don't want to describe more about those story...Yesterday, when I start to practice my guitar, I found out that my guitar is seriously run out of tune. It is just an usual thing it being run out of tune, but this time is really different. I just 3 days didn't adjust it, I don't think it will become like that, seem if 1 week didn't tune it, it will not become like that also. So I was suspect my housemate that she borrow my guitar 2 days ago...I know I shouldn't suspect anyone without any evidence, but I just couldn't stop suspecting them, I think is because their attitude already give me a bad impression. I think to ask them to confirm my doubt, but at the end I didn't.. I don't think I can control my facial expression well. Anyway, its not a big deal, just I cant control my anger on them right now. I don't know what will I feel if she get the result batter than me...Evil mind...I really think that i do much more batter than her in overall...but I still got tell her about my mistake during the test, so that she can learn from my mistake...=(..
Shit, the more I think the more I hate about her, the talking way..hope I can move out from here as fast as possible, and I will move or cut the wifi also without pity them, seen they actually can actually apply themselves, and it doesn't make sense let them use my account.